Go me, the first four entries currently in <a href="http://livejournal.com/~lilliah>my journal</a> are either friends-only or private. I haven't felt the need to share much with my adoring public (rofl) for quite a while now. I'm having a lot of inner conflict and private talks with myself.
Explanations are in order, I guess...I'm a manic depressive. I have just had a very bad year, the worst summer EVER, a lot of shit has happened. That's highly summarized, but I don't have the will to go into detail at the moment. Currently, my parents are splitting. I don't want to hear anyone's shit that "lots of people go through that". This is the THIRD fucking time, okay, and I will rip someone a new asshole if they tease me about feeling down about this. First time was when I was really young--my dad and mom. Then my mom after her ten year marriage to my stepfather, and now my dad after his 9 year marriage/13 year relationship with my stepmother.
So a lot of stuff has been putting me in my own personal gutter and I haven't had much of a try at getting out. I've been smoking a lot of weed, drinking occasionally, sleeping--AVOIDING THINKING. It's not a good solution but it works for me.